“A feeling of pleasure or solace can be so hard to find
when you are in the depths of your grief.
Sometimes it’s the little things
that help get you through the day.
You may think your comforts sound ridiculous to others,
but there is nothing ridiculous about finding one little thing
to help you feel good in the midst of pain and sorrow!”
Elizabeth Berrien
This is a wonderful quote from Elizabeth Berrien and so true. When our very being is suffering from a great loss, it is hard to enjoy anything, much less even consider that life will right itself at some point. However, this is not true…unless you want it to be.
Yes, you can “decide” to be miserable forever. You are grieving and in the midst of a veritable jumble of emotions hammering at your heart. The grief process takes a long time to heal and society tends to make us feel that we can only experience grief emotions (sadness, loneliness, anger, etc.) during this period and, often, beyond. Nothing else is permitted.
But, what does this decision accomplish? And, what are the effects to us and others?
Being miserable hurts you and holds you back from moving forward with your life. It is also painful to those around you who desperately want to see you begin to emerge on the other side of the grief process. It is hard to watch someone you love who is enmeshed in chaotic emotions and withdrawn, knowing that there is little you can do to assist. At some point, these family members and friends may start to drift away because it is just so hurtful to watch and experience.
The good news is that you can make the decision to move forward…a little bit each day. For instance, in the image, a little girl is bending over intently looking into the grass around her. You may be on a walk with her or in your backyard. How could you not be filled with happiness while watching her in her sweet little dress and snazzy boots? There is nothing to prevent you from enjoying this time with your daughter or granddaughter…except for your decision not to!
Despite popular belief, grief and joy (Yes, joy!) can co-exist. This may seem counterintuitive; however, it really is not. Yes, you can decide that this is the case, but this would, again, be a decision that you consciously make. There is no reason to fling joy to the curb as you proceed through your grief process. And, there is every reason to experience the happiness that life brings through small pleasures and acts of kindness. Whether we like it or not, life moves on.
If you should “decide” to look for at least one of these small pleasures and acts of kindness each day and revel in each one, I believe that this mindful and targeted decision will begin to multiply and you will start to actively seek these experiences. You can create even more meaning around this simple decision by journaling daily about these observations.
So, go ahead! Make the decision to seek pleasure from the small things life has to offer and celebrate every one!
If you found this article helpful and would like to learn about grief coaching and how it can help you, I offer a 30-minute FREE coaching session. You can contact me to schedule a day and time for your session.
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Keep looking up,
Melodee
