Valentine’s Day is inching ever closer and, while many people anxiously await this day, your heart is heavy and you are not anticipating the day at all because your valentine will not be present. He or she is gone and you believe there will be no more Valentine’s Days to celebrate.
No more candy hearts with endearing sayings.
No more Valentine’s Day cards.
No more Valentine’s Day dinners.
This all works to make this holiday very sad, nostalgic, and full of regrets. Not to mention that it seems like everyone you know has someone with whom to share the holiday.
Believe it or not, though, you can use this holiday to honor your loved one and make it a good day. I’m not going to lie to you. The day will probably not be as good as if he or she was there to share it with you, but a good day can be had all the same.
Now, you are likely thinking, “How would I do this? What would it look like?”
Prepare Yourself
It is important to be realistic and face your emotions head-on. This is an important part of experiencing and overcoming your grief. It is to be expected (though not mandatory) that there may be some tears and sadness. This is natural and a part of the grieving process. However, it is best to be prepared for it, but not anticipate it.
Give yourself permission to experience whatever you need to feel on this day. Don’t push yourself to behave by anyone else’s standards. Just try to find a comfort zone that works for you.
Also, although it may hurt to listen to everyone else’s plans for Valentine’s Day, you should not be resentful or angry because of their happiness. Instead, be grateful that they are able to share this holiday with someone they love. I am not saying it will be easy. But they deserve to be able to experience their life without feeling guilty and you should make the effort to be happy for them.
Thought Etiquette
When it comes to thought management, you need to understand that our brains tend to think that they run the show, that they can think whatever they want to think. Now, while your brain may be doing this very thing, it is only because you allow it to do so. By this I mean that you can change the way your brain thinks at any time, one thought at a time.
Did you know that you can actually tell your brain to change a thought? You can. When it comes to an argument between you and your brain, you should win every time!
Some thoughts you might want to work on ahead of Valentine’s Day are:
- “Valentine’s is going to be lousy.”
- “I hate hearing about everyone’s Valentine’s Day plans.”
- “I wish I could just skip Valentine’s Day.”
You might want to start replacing these negative thoughts with positive ones like:
- “Valentine’s is going to be about my cherished memories and, therefore, will be a good day.”
- “I am going to make some new Valentine’s Day traditions for myself.”
- “I am going to devote my Valentine’s Day to the Lord.”
These positive thoughts give the day a whole new perspective, don’t they? They create a positive outlook for Valentine’s Day that you may even begin to anticipate.
When a negative thought comes up, replace it with a positive one. Eventually, your brain will catch on and will begin to replace the negative thought with the positive one all on its own. We are powerfully made by the Lord and His intention is for us to control our minds. Be sure to start today!
Redesign Your Valentine’s Day
The second thing you should do is plan your Valentine’s Day activities.
Below are a few ways that you can “redesign” your Valentine’s Day.
- What to Do – If you feel you are up to it, do things that you and your spouse enjoyed, i.e. go to a movie, have dinner at a favorite restaurant, take a walk, or workout. If it is too difficult to even consider this, then look for activities that are not related to past events. However, try not to avoid or hide from your memories.
- Cherished Memories – Go somewhere quiet and remember good times. This is not meant to make you sad. It is meant to be grateful for the times you had together. Your memories will always be with you. It is good to make peace with them.
- Devote the Day to the Lord – Alternatively, you can take the holiday and spend it with the Lord. How? You can use the day, or a portion of it, for prayer, Bible study, fasting, gratitude journaling, doing a good work, etc.
At the end of the day, be sure to journal about your feelings and how it went. What was your favorite part? What was your least favorite? How did you feel? How can you make it better next year? By journaling, you can review what you wrote and decide if you want to celebrate the same way, change something, or change it all when Valentine’s Day comes next year.
These are just a few things that I have done or that I have recommended to grieving spouses. This list is in no way exhaustive. Decide what will work best for you and put your plan into action.
This year, experience Valentine’s Day by first preparing yourself and your thoughts and then by redesigning your day. By preparing and planning beforehand, I hope you will be able to enjoy the day in a different, new way.
Happy Valentine’s and blessings to you.
Keep looking up,
Melodee
